


Candy Land

by Lemon_Cookies



Category: Bleach
Genre: Charlie the Unicorn references, Crack, M/M, Out of Character, Politically Incorrect Humor, also there's sex with a lollipop, because this was written in 2009, seriously this is crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:21:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23680741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lemon_Cookies/pseuds/Lemon_Cookies
Summary: An innocent game of hopscotch turns into so much more.Originally written 5/12/09.
Relationships: Ichimaru Gin/Kira Izuru, Kira Izuru & Hinamori Momo
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Candy Land

**Author's Note:**

> Buckle up, kids. Things are about to get weird. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

It just so happened that both Izuru and Momo had some free time on their hands, so they decided to take a break and play some hopscotch. Hopscotch was a good Shinigami training method; it helped improve coordination and the like.

Izuru took his zanpakuto and traced squares on the ground. The earth his zanpakuto touched became heavy and sunk, leaving the squares' outlines indented. Momo wasn't nearly as cool; she just took a piece of white chalk and numbered the squares one through thirteen.

"Hey," Momo said. "Wanna make this more interesting?"

Izuru peeked down at Momo from behind a tuff of blond hair. "Like hop and drink scotch?" he asked hopefully.

"No, no, no." Momo winced, remembering the image of a drunken Izuru in a loin cloth. That was not going to be a repeated experience, as long as she could help it. "I meant something like each of the squares could represent a squad captain, one through thirteen. And whoever you land on, you have to… do them a favor." Momo was a little whore. "Hands off Aizen though," she added with a pout.

Izuru's little nose scrunched up as Momo talked, and when she was finished he had a positively confused look on his face. "But Momo-kun, I'm always doing favors for the captains!"

Momo sighed. Izuru was such a baby. She was just going to have to break it to him. "I mean sex, Izuru. Sex."

Izuru scratched his head. "I do favors for the sects too."

Momo nearly screamed in frustration. "NOT SECTS! SEX! MATING! FUCKING! PROCREATING!" A few spare Shinigami stopped and shot her strange looks. She bowed quickly in apology.

Izuru's blue eyes grew big and nearly popped out of his head, and his cheeks flushed a bright pink hue. "Ohhh."

A bright smile flashed back onto Momo's face, all traces of anger leaving her, giving the impression of a very severe case of bipolar disorder. "Why don't we start then?"

"O-o-o-okay," Izuru stuttered, covering his burning face with his hands. He was thinking of all the captains and, well, when it came to a certain one of them… The boy gasped silently at his thoughts and bent over to pick up a stone. Three, three, please, three, he pleaded in his mind. He tossed the stone with a little flick of his wrist. It landed on Momo's head.

Momo smiled as he stuttered, watched as he picked up a stone, and then turned nearly all the colors of the rainbow as it landed on her head. First red, then white, then blue from oxygen deprivation. She would have found this situation very awkward indeed if she hadn't just gone into carcinogenic shock.

"Oh my – Momo-chan!" Izuru screamed, slapping his hands over his mouth. He picked up a handful of rocks and threw them on his own head. "There! I'm so sorry!"

A little place inside of Momo died again as Izuru showered his head with rocks. "Nnnggh," she said. But there was a reason Momo was a Soul Reaper, and a high ranking one at that. She was strong. "It's okay." She stumbled a few yards out of Izuru's throwing reach, which wasn't far, mind you. "Alright, let's try again."

With a sigh of relief, Izuru turned back to the hopscotch patch. A bead of sugary sweat dropped from his brow – he was all concentration. This time he threw overhand and it soared through the air, past three, and landed on eleven. Before Izuru could faint, the wind picked up and blew the pebble back to three. "Yay!"

Momo sniggered evilly when the stone landed on the eleventh square, preparing to catch her horrified friend, and then clapped when the wind picked up and blew the pebble to three. In the midst of her third clap a chill ran down her spine.

"Excuse us, Momo-kun," a silky voice whispered in her ear.

Of course, it was Gin. Momo turned white for the second time that day, bowed, and ran, leaving Izuru at his captain's mercy. The lieutenant was still cheering by the hopscotch patch, not yet having noticed anything.

Gin slunk over toward Izuru like the Cheshire Cat. Just as Izuru let out a little "squee" in celebration, a pair of cold, thin hands crept from behind and covered Izuru's eyes.

"Ew, Momo, gross! Your hands are clammy! Let's go find Gin and–"

Izuru stopped short when the pair of hands grabbed his shoulders and turned him around. Izuru's blue eyes widened and his mouth opened to form a little "O" shape in surprise. His mouth flapped open and closed as he tried to speak, like a fish out of water.

"Hey there sexy," Gin purred.

Izuru flushed. "S-s-sir!" he squeaked out, backing out of the grip Gin had on his shoulders and bowing low, his tuft of blond emo bangs nearly touching the ground. "Please excuse my former comment! Your hands are actually quite dry!"

Gin rubbed his hands together friskily and smiled, peering at his little slave… subordinate through slanted eyes. "Cum," he said.

"Yes, sir," Izuru exclaimed, walking very close to Gin before realizing Gin wasn't going anywhere.

"No, cum. That's why my hands are wet."

Izuru scrunched up his nose in confusion and cocked his head to the side, glancing at his captain quizzically.

"Just kidding!" Gin exclaimed brightly. He wrapped his arm around Izuru's narrow shoulders and led the boy away.

"Where are we going, Captain?" the blond asked.

"Why, to Candy Land!" Gin replied.

Suddenly, with a loud crack, the clouds parted and the blue of the sky broke apart like shattered glass. Gin held tightly to Izuru's hand and Izuru hid his face in Gin's robes.

"To infinity and beyond!!" Gin exclaimed, and they lifted off like two Bud Lightyears.

Izuru kept his eyes shut until he felt his feet firmly on the ground again. There they were, in Candy Land. There were penis-shaped lollipops, edible undies, and a river full of body jelly. Izuru's eyes lit up and he began to salivate.

"Patience, Love," Gin said, and he licked the saliva from his slave's chin.

Plucking a pair of edible undies off the edible undies tree, Gin grabbed Izuru by the waist and led him off behind a bubblegum bush to get him changed. Gin ripped off Izuru's robes before the boy could protest. Izuru stood like a pale white flower in full bloom, and all that was keeping Gin away from the stamen was a pair of tighty-whiteys.

Iz stood all flushed and trembling and tried to remind himself how much he wanted it. Hell yes, he wanted it. Gin removed his own robes. He wasn't wearing tighty-whiteys. He was wearing – nothing underneath! Izuru spurted blood from his nose, losing so much blood that he blacked out. When he came to again, Gin was pinning him down to the ground with one hand and with the other he was slowing slipping Izuru's undies down with one slender, curled finger.

Izuru squirmed, his heart racing, blood pumping to wherever Gin touched. Gin pulled his underwear down and off and then grabbed Izuru's sad excuse for a penis. Izuru "eeped" and Gin laughed a silky, high, sadistic laugh.

Deciding there were more fun things to do than play around with edible underwear, Gin tossed them aside and picked a penis pop from a patch of penis pop flowers. "Open wide, Izzy-poo!"

Izuru's face lit up and he opened his mouth wide.

"Now close your eyes," Gin ordered, and his slave obliged.

Mmmm, Izuru thought, sucking lavishly on the object in his mouth. This penis pop sure is yummy! He wondered what flavor it was. Blueberry-pineapple-sour apple-fruit punch, perhaps? He opened his eyes. Oh, it was Gin flavored.

"That's a good little subordinate," Gin cooed, a moan escaping his lips soon afterword.

"Where's da keem fiwwin?" Izuru asked, mouth full. He sure was impatient.

"Give it some nice, loooong licks," Gin instructed.

Izuru obeyed. Soon enough the sticky white stuff shot out into Izuru's mouth. It didn't taste very much like cream filling. It tasted like blueberry-pineapple-sour apple-fruit punch. Gin sat back and pressed his fingers to Izuru's lips, forcing him to swallow.

"Turn over," Gin demanded, roughly helping a compliant Izuru.

Izuru, now on his stomach, felt himself being sexily violated. Of course he did, because Gin was now shoving the actual penis pop up Izuru's ass. It was rather small compared to the real thing, but he didn't think Izuru could handle the real thing. At least not yet.

Izuru yelped and reached around to defend his ass, but Gin smacked his hands away.

"Bad. Don't make me hurt you now."

Izuru whimpered and lay still, and Gin shoved the penis pop once more, but this time brutally and with much gusto, up Izuru's abused ass. The poor slave cried out in pain, but Gin paid no mind. He pumped the pop violently and repetitively until Izuru was sobbing and a vivid red liquid appeared on the "head" of the lolli.

Gin licked at the pop, like a gay vampire masturbating to the nth level. Once he was satisfied, he knelt beside his sobbing slave and cooed in his ear.

"Hush, Izzy-poo. You've made Captain Gin very very happy."

Izuru smiled through his tears. If Gin was happy, he was happy. The captain gently picked Izuru up and Izuru held onto Gin like a baby koala clings to its mother. Gin began to walk, stroking the boy's soft hair and wiping the eyeliner stains from his face. Izuru relaxed into his captain's arms. They felt so strong wrapped around him.

Gin put Izuru down at the bank of the jelly river, and Izzy's feet were met with sprinkles and lemon drops. Gin reached a hand into the river and pulled up a glob of the sticky jelly. He tossed it at Izuru. It landed on his chest and slid down a little. Gin then proceeded to lap the sugary sap from Izuru's chest. Izuru moaned and Gin slowly dragged his tongue down and down… and down to Izuru's abdomen.

"Om nom nom," Gin slurped, licking around Izzy's belly button. Suddenly, he heard a high pitched voice.

"Look, Charlie, it's Candy Mountain!"

He looked behind him, where the voice had come from, and spotted a small stuffed lion talking to himself and sprinting towards – Matsumoto's boobs! With one swift move, Matsumoto had flattened Kon like a pancake.

Izuru looked at them in confusion and Gin's face widened into one of his trademark grins. "Look Izuru, Matsumoto and Ichigo's teddy bear have come to join us!"

Izuru was still looking around for Charlie.

Suddenly Zaraki Kenpachi arrived from a portal and killed everyone and ate the carnage.

"Goddamnit," Charlie neighed. "Bastard ate my kidneys."


End file.
